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Connie Kass-Oppenheim

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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2006|09:02 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
So today was interesting. I spent most of my day with kaitlyn which was tons of fun. But before I get into that I have to say I've been having some weird shit happen.
The other day I experienced a medication black out. which means with out me realizing I blacked out . .and I hurt myself. I don't rememeber doing it. All i know is i earned 7 ugly stiches and a Psych evaluation. And today I totally forgot to take my morning meds . .ALL OF THEM!!!! what the fuck is wrong with me, Now i know why i had such a bad head ache.
Anyway Me and kaitlyn are friends again THANK GOD i was going crazy not talking to her. I understand where she's comming from when she says things. Well I had just a fabulous day I have to go cuz I'm tired but thanks for listening-
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2006|10:50 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |crankycranky]

Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise.
This world that I found is too good to be true.
Standing here beside, I want so much to give you this love in my
heart that I'm feeling for you.
Let them say we're crazy.
I don't care about that.
Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.
And we can build this thing together, stand in stone forever,
nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now.
I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you, whatever it
takes to stay here with you.
Take it too the good times, see it through the bad times.
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do.
Let them say we're crazy.
What do they know?
Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.
Oh, all that I need is you.
All that I ever need.
All that I want to do is hold you forever, forever and ever.
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2006|09:53 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |pensivepensive]

Wow well I'm not very consistent with this but I doubt really anyone reads it (besides lisa cuz I know she does)

My dating life.

Well me and Kaitlyn broke up. Let me give you the story. The best relationship I had, It lasted for- over 7 months which technically is my longest most meaning ful relationship ever. I loved her so much. I mean I HATE KIDS! but one day she held our friends son in her arms. I still remember the look in her eyes, my heart sank. I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and That I wanted to have a baby with her. Sounds crazy right? Sometimes I cry when I remember the calming look she gave me while she gave a laugh and showed her beautiful smile. I miss the corny lines I said to her and the "encounters" we had. But then I ruined it. I suffer from BI Polar Disorder and PTSD (post trumatic stress disorder) which means I produce more negative chemicals than positive putting my body into a state of depression. My body believes so much that I begin to hear things or become suicidal. I'm functional during thoese times but with PTSD I'll be rememided of trumatic events that took place in my life (Parents,Friends, Abuse, Sharyl's death ect) I begin to cutt myself to make sure I'm alive because with all these negitive feelings I get so numb. Then i'm too sick to take care of myself so i go to a hospital. I don't have much of a choice for these things and honestly I feel great but there's a big possibility i may go thru it again maybe in a few months, a few years, 10, 20 years from now. no one knows.
But back to what i was tallking about. I had an episode. I went into the hospital for over a month. My biggest fear was scaring kaitlyn or losing her. My biggest mistake was not telling her enough. I told her we needed a break not because i didn't want her, but because I didn't think i'd make it out alive. That nite I had to be restrained and had a needle injected into my left ass cheek. It was a tranquilizer called throzine. I told her I'd call her when I got better.
I was relised home and Kaitlyn was not the first person I called, She wasn't the second in fact i didn't call her at all because I still felt suicidal. I saw her in the mall. I wanted to tell her everything, hug her, kiss her and love her all over again. Why didn't I? God I wish I talked to her about my feelings and my thoughts. I should have said " Kaitlyn I love you but I'm still not safe, I wanna wait and make sure I'm okay before I EVER put you thru something like that again." But i didn't. I went back in, she moved on, and I lost the love of my life. I tried to get her back, but she had already developed dating. And from what I hear she was smoking pot alot with this kristen girl and having sex by the second week of dating.
To hear that killed me and still tears me up.
She made it obvious she didn't want me back. I was so hurt but who could blame her? I wouldn't get back with some crazy mother fucker that is suicidal and might kill herself one day. I finally accepted her decision and moved on my self.
I met a girl named cassidy.

When I first met her we were 10 years old, we were working on a church doing community service, then we went to church camp. not too long ago she contacted me. we met up and she was great, funny smart, cute as hell. It wasn't untill the day after her b-day that I decided to try a relationship I mean we went out on countless dates. She's amazing, I'm sooo happy. I love her. we made such a connection and we're still together. But, Kaitlyn and I hung out recently. She told me a few things about Kristen I didn't like and after that she broke up with her.
We hang out and I miss her, alot. she said she'd wait for me. But I don't know what to do. I care about Cassidy sooo much. but i miss kaitlyn.

I wanna say Kaitlyn when I said I feel stupid around you I meant stupid in love. You think it's soo cute when i'm dumb, and I love it. That's what I meant.

Sharyl, help me with this. I don't know what to do.
Where's the proof of love?
I'm goin to bed.
Love You Li-
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(no subject) [Jan. 31st, 2006|03:17 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Violent Femmes "All I Want"]

All I want is to talk to you
All I want is to talk to you
I’m aching for your touch
I’m breaking because I miss you so much
Do you miss me too?

All I want is to walk with you
All I want is to walk with you
I’m hoping for your kiss
I’m doping because I miss
you so much
Do you miss me too?

A little bit closer
A little bit closer
Someday
When I try to get closer
Then you move away.

All I want to say is…

All I want is to be with you
All I want is to be with you
You’re hurting deep inside
You’re flirting cause you need
To feel that you are still alive

A little bit closer
A little bit closer
Some way
When I try to get closer
Then you move away

All I want to say is…

All I want is to walk with you
All I want is to talk to you
I’m praying for one night
I’m laying so low
Because I love you so
Though I know it aint right

10.27.04
God I Love You So Fucking Much. And I Fucking miss you Soo much. and It's not fucking fair. I Just want you back in my life. I wish I could go back in time and change EVERYTHING.
You meant the world to me. I just hope you're finally at peace

Sometimes, I still feel your touch. . .and I know you're with me but . . .you're so far away.
Why did this happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?
It's been so long . . .why do i still cry and feel alone without you.
I Love You, and I'm gonna come visit you soon I promise.
Bye.
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2006|07:28 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
Well once again i'm sorry i lost her. But such is life.

humm what else. My brother jack is getting married on july 17th and I'm the maid of honor. it should be cool half the family agrees with it and the other doesn't

Me and colin are trying to talk alittle bit. God i miss him sooo much. wow i haven't seen him since my third admission.
I miss melissa I just have to get my lazy ass up and go see her. Same goes for lisa. Wow, lisa it's been like a year. After i went into the hospital we kinda drifted but you were always by my side.
And donal . . .donal donal donal- what to say about him. Of course i love him and we hang out everyday. I hope he doesn't get sick of me. sometimes we butt heads and he'll leave but come back. he's bitching now about the soda, he siad I drank it all . . .and yeah i did. I tryed to convince him i didn't but i'm . . .guilty. Donal's a bitch. I'm sorry I stand to be corrected "the" bitch.

Well, Sharyl died. I don't think i mentioned it. She commieted suicide at my house. It's so painful to remember the last time I saw her alive. she was so scared, I held her hand. She didn't want to die untill it was too late. Everyday I hate myself for her death. I sometimes feel at fault I should have payed more attention. I should hae turned around 3 seconds before hand. then maybe she'd still be here with me.

I quit thinking about killing myself
when you died
just for a day or two
i must have wanted to
just for a day or two
I must have wanted to live

I quit believing these lies I tell myself
when you died
just for a day or two
I must have wanted to
just for a day or two
I must have wanted the truth

I will always love you my friend
now that you died
but just for a day or two
I'd like to be with you
just for a day or two
I'd like to have you alive

I'd like to have you alive Sharyl.
I have a tatoo in memory of her- It says Sharyl in cursive with a rose wrapped around it, her dates of death and a rising sun.
Sharyl- She's my best friend.
Rose- symbolizes death.
Dates- When she died 10.27.04
Sun- As her life ened, mine began.
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(no subject) [Oct. 22nd, 2004|08:05 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
Back from Brattleboro. I'm "Cured"
Call if you need.
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Stars [Aug. 31st, 2004|02:06 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |oasis "stop crying your heart out"]

Death, Die, Dead.
7Seroquel= 1600mg.
Whoooo!!!
I did It. Prove all you/[the] Mother Fuckers Wrong
Asshole.
Connie will be off line for awhile. And I refuse to answer the phone unless i need or want to. Leave a message for me and i might get back to ya.

Fuck You.
::Tears::

Hold on- Don't be scared.
You'll never change what's Been and gone.

May your smile, shine on. Don't be scared,[Just move on w/out me Don't be afraid.]
YOUR destiny will keep you on.
Cuz all of the stars have faded away,[in me] Just try not to worry
you see them some day, -[*You'll see me some day*]
Just take what you need [from me] and be on your way [just go.]
And stop crying your heart out
Why you scared?
*You'll never change what I have Done* [So move on]

My whole Life has faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see me some day
I don't need this bullshit,
STOP CRYING YOUR EYES OUT.
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- [Aug. 26th, 2004|10:06 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |bouncySURPRISE!! Whooo!]
[music |Yeeee Hey I'm :D aren't I?? Can't complain. ;)]

Sorry about my last entry I lied.

--I cannot wait, friday seems to come slower and slower. Tomarrow is MY time to shine. I get to surprise everyone close to me!! Some won't even believe, some won't wanna believe!! And the best part!! noo one knows. isn't that fantastic.
The "keeping this secret" fourtuneatly found in my fortune cookie!!
"Keep your plans sercret for now" <- some fortune huh?!!
21 beautifly assorted . . . Don't wanna ruin the fucking surprise.
Tomarrow all my dreams will be fufilled! And I'm not gonna hold back this time.

I'm so excited that i'm getting quite nervous!

Since i care about no one there's nothing more to say right??
Yes- I am correct.

Now i need a song that will inspire the event! Maybe Waste by staind? or fallen by sara McBlah-Blah. Anyway. if i sleep the time will come faster.

Oh Bad news: All of this may be postpone to saturday But i do promise this SURPRISE will happen soon, promise.

I wonder what the outcome will be. Oh well ANOTHER SURPRISE!

Haha you don't even know whats comming >.< ::laughs::
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Sorry [Aug. 23rd, 2004|11:03 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |depressedI'm Gone]
[music |PUBLIC: So you all can read.]

I'm sorry It's Come to this.
I'm Sorry I didn't Get Better.
I'm Sorry you Lied To Me.
I'm Sorry You Weren't there for me.
I'm Sorry I Feel This Way.
I'm Sorry I Cut Myself.
I'm Sorry that you couldn't hear my silent crys for help.
I'm Sorry I Refused Hospitalizations Because of fear of losing you.
I'm Sorry You Were Never there for me.
I'm Sorry I Upset you. [I don't give a fuck]
I'm Sorry . . .It's All My Fault.
I'm Sorry there's nothing left for me in this world.
I'm Sorry I Chose Death Over Life.
I'm SOrry I Wasn't Good Enough for you.
I'm Sorry I Couldn't tell you Because I was 2 busy being Sorry for you not listening.
I'm sorry for letting you down
I'm sorry for being a horrible friend/family member.
I'm Sorry I Overdosed.

I'm Sorry, for when you read this I'll Already be dead.

In Honor Of You And To Everyone I Love. . . .
I'm Sorry For NOT GIVING A FUCK. heh I'm not even sorry at all.
This is my happy ending. It's all that's left.

DIE DIE DIEING . . .DEAD.
Fuck You You FUCKING LOSERS. See you in Hell.
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Bull [Aug. 16th, 2004|12:35 pm]
Connie Kass-Oppenheim
[mood |depressedSuicidal]

Vampiredarkblood: I LOVE YOU CONNIE!! dont ever forget that baby girl!!!!

Mrbusy0129: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!:-*

i just wanted to say i love u!!!!!! hehe !
Much Love!!
bobi
IM WRITTING TO GET MY MIND out of here , Hehe I LOVE U!!!!!!
Much Love bobi

BrokenPromise: I LOVE YOU CONNIE

Dyingstarsfall: You're the best room-mate and I Love You

Angel: Okay I Love You Bye. [on the phone all the time]

Forgotten Agony: I will always Love you.

. . .I Love You Too,
But I'm Sorry For What I Must Do.

I'm I Pain And I'll Die Peace-fully.

THEY'LL NEVER GET ME BACK NEVER! I will Kill someone if I have to so I can prevent Ellis.
GOD I work there! And I Don't Live There.

Will This Bipolar Roller Coster ever end.

Up Down Up Down.

I have a new saying, "I hate Being in this state of mind again,
I cannot explore what's in reach.
But I Never have to worry about crash landing . . .
Because I never even took off."

YAY!!

FUCK YOU . .ALL
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